I always want to be able to help or support my Horses in riding, in hand, or in whatever situations cause them angst or upset. As a child I had little support in managing life and self-identity or the general family disfunction, so when I see my Horses struggling with anything I desperately want to spare them that experience. I want them to be able to flow easily and confidently through changes and challenges. I want them to know themselves and feel safe in the world around them and I put out great effort to help them with this.
Enchantress can struggle with anxiety while we are on the trail, almost always when she is not in front. I have given this scenario many hours of contemplation and I have many metamorphic theories of how she reflects part of me as well as how it relates to her. She is not competitive, but she seems to only trust herself to manage the trail. And, she is forward, eager, she walks fast and does not see the point in dawdling, this intensifies the anxiety when she is not in front.
I do not ride with a bit, yet when she is anxious, she ‘chews’ on her mouth as if chewing on the bit. This behavior causes me angst because I want to help her relax and accept whatever present situation we are in as being a normal part of the ride. After weeks of wet weather my friends and I were finally able to hit the trail and all three Horses were more than ready to get out. Footing was still slick, and the Horses were very forward, and Chant would show anxiety when not in front.
So, for the first part of the ride, I tried to help her relax. My friends and I leapfrogged when we could, but trail conditions and fresh Horses dictated when that was safe. I found myself upset and anxious about Chant being anxious, but knowing this is of no benefit, I made the decision to do what was ‘mine to do’ during that ride and let her take care of what was hers.
‘Mine to do’ during that ride was to manage the trail, maintain my balance and manage the space between the other riders and Horses around us. In reality, this was all I could safely manage. ‘Hers to do’ during that ride was to manage her own anxiety and expectations during the ride while still interacting as Horse and rider.
She still showed anxiety during the ride, but my anxiety lessoned, there is no point in us both dealing with her anxiety. Despite her anxiety she never acted out or was unsafe, so, she was doing what was ‘hers to do’.
This caused me to look more carefully at discernment when interacting with her when she is struggling. As a Human and a consort with her, there are things that are ‘mine to do’, but as a Horse in her own life experience, some things are ‘hers to do’ and she will learn to find answers as she navigates her own passage in her life Quest. No matter how much I want to help her, I must accept that not every challenge with her is ‘mine to do’, to heal or to fix.
Accepting this has released me from the angst of feeling like I fail her when I cannot help her, and it releases her from having to deal with my anxiety over my Human ideals that I must solve all of her concerns.
The Invitation
While spending time with your Horse, tune into ways that you try to help or manage their past experience, or training, or their instinctual reactions as a Horse, and ask yourself, ‘Is this mine to do?’. Likewise, notice if you are remis in ways that you don’t assist your Horse as they navigate situations that are challenging to them, perhaps this is yours to do. Learning to discern what is ours to do and what is the Horses’ to do is a skill that takes time to learn and it takes honesty and courage for the follow through. A deeper dive into this is to become aware of when your Horses is helping you, when it decides that ‘this is mine to do.’
Delaya Diana © 2020