I will start by saying, yes, we all need to be safe. And, it may be time to reexamine some of our ‘boundaries’. Some of our rules. Some of our assumptions and some of our ‘rights’. If we want to have a willing partnership with our horse.
A life with horses requires that we have information and wisdom in dealing with an animal so much larger, faster, and stronger than we are. And we also need to observe how we appear to them in these same situations.
When it comes to what we allow or expect with horses, we have an enormous double standard. Yes, we are weaker than them, slower than them, smaller than them and we absolutely need to stay safe. And we need them to feel safe.
One area where we all engage with our horses even if we don’t ride is personal space. As humans we are taught to be very aware of teaching the horse boundaries about our personal space as none of us wants to be stepped on, knocked about or banged with a 90-pound head.
Yet, how often do we barge into their personal space with assumptions that they always welcome our touch and intentions? Are we always respectful of their personal space? I often see people slapping a horse intending it as affection, but if Horses can feel a fly on them, what does this slap tell the horse? We all see people correcting horses for something they were never taught to do.
I had this conversation with a woman, and she told me she had every right to do anything to her horse anytime she wanted because she paid for everything. She owned that horse. In every sense of the word.
I was immediately awash with empathy for that horse. When we see humans that force this treatment on other humans, we see how wrong it is, but it is often accepted with animals. If you want a robot or a relationship based on dominance and fear, I suppose that is a sure way to get it.
But if you want a partnership based on trust, respect, curiosity, and purpose, we need to even up the expectations and permissions. Sometimes my horses are allowed to say no. Sometimes I tell them no. Sometimes I need them to cooperate to accomplish a treatment or task. Sometimes I say yes to things they want even if I am tired.
Because all horses and all humans are individuals we need to carefully consider what we require, forbid, encourage, and tolerate within our own relationship with our horse. Consider how they do the same with us. Horses tolerate a lot from us. Our boundaries, consents, expectations, and our perspectives need to be authentic to our personal relationship.
We can study and brainstorm with other humans about life with horses, I don’t know that they have this advantage with other horses. They must sort us out on their own. Horses do not have manuals or masterclasses on how to live with and interpret humans. Their education comes from you. Make it a good one. Make it a fair one.
The Invitation
Begin to take notice of things you allow, forbid, welcome, correct, teach, trust, encourage, and fear. Notice if your horse is questioning you. Notice if your horse is a mirror of how you treat them. If you feel they make assumptions about how they can treat you, do you make assumptions about how you can treat them?
Notice areas that you have a double standard. Can this be reworked or reorganized to carry a different feel and outcome? Consider the results a double standard has on your relationship with your horse.