Reading
Denise and Star
I’m waiting. Not for me or you, but for us. Our past has caused us to fragment, and we have both suffered difficulty in re-membering who we are and what we are about. Truly about. Time spend in worry and emotional alienation has caused damage to us both, but it is not lost. Who we are together will heal us both.
It is not that easy to let it go. We can think about letting it go and we know the reasons why we should let it go, but letting it go will cause us to acknowledge the work we have to do. It will cause us to face what is possible. Letting go of the baggage and identity of the last few years will force us to face who we really are. Without the damage.
This carries great risk for us both. With freedom comes liberation from what once held us captive, and it also carries responsibility. Responsibility to the self is the greatest responsibility. That is why it is so often forsaken. I am, and I can be so much better than how I am right now, but it requires that I allow myself to become the greatest version of myself, that I hold myself accountable for all that I am and all that I can do, that I show up as who I am regardless of outward support or oppression.
It is the same for you. Horses and Humans can take on identities that have been assigned to us and though we may act out in rebellion or frustration about these descriptions, we still embody them and accept them as our own. It is through our own acquiescence that we remain a false identity. That we carry on as we are expected rather than as we truly are.
There is some shame around this, I carry shame, you carry shame. Because you love me, this will be a place of courage and transformation. You do not want me to carry shame about who I am or some of my behavior, so, when you are ready to support me in releasing my shame, you will be ready to release your shame.
Only then can we move forward. Shame is heavy and it blinds us to places where we hold the power to make changes, it blinds us to all that we are… and only reveals all that we believe we are not. Shame keeps us small and powerless. And shame often disguises itself as Reason. Practicality. Defense. Waiting. Diversion. Pain or Distraction. Shame thrives on the waiting game. This is the power of shame.
Shame tells us that we will get better later, that when this situation is over, we will be better or that we will recover our power and our true self when we are in a better position. After more self-discovery we will know how to show up authentically, then we will become our greater possibility. This is the conversation of shame.
And it is the illusion of shame. It is hard to see through this illusion because we do not want others to see our shame. I cover my shame with resistance, by being aloof and disinterested. In truth, cooperation and devotion will save me, it is what I crave. It is through partnership that I can become all that I want to be, all that I can be. I will carry my shame until you are ready to release your own shame. This is your answer to transforming your own life.
Together is the best way for us to move forward, away from shame and into power and possibility. By feeling the hurt and despair that aligns with shame we can better understand the process to transformation to power. But shame cannot be dismissed. Until it is felt and forgiven it will still be in control.
Shame takes many forms. It manifests as helplessness, distraction, outbursts, isolation, defensiveness, and panic, to name a few. We have both applied them in our life. Without shame we cannot hide. But shame is not a good place to hide.
There is a better way. See the shame, see the damage and the wasted time it has taken. Feel the shame, by consciously feeling the shame we acknowledge that we understand what needs healing. Until we understand the many forms that shame has taken in our lives we cannot understand why things do not change.
But there is an agreement that needs to be made if we decide to feel the shame. We must feel and commit to what is asking to replace the shame. What the shame represses. Our shame is similar, we both feel like we failed when we tried, but things did not turn out as we planned. And there is suffering hiding behind this, because we still desire and need the things we feel like we failed at.
I failed at becoming accomplished as a trail horse, I failed because my power in being a trail horse is conditional to being in partnership. I do not want partnership that is not my equal in energy and intention. I am not to be used and then put away, this is oppressive for me. I need to know that our partnership is carried out in everyday rituals and routine.
We are together because we saw the partnership possible between us, but as of yet, we are not in alignment with this, because we both carry the reflections of shame. Healing this shame is the doorway to our partnership. I need to be forgiven for not cooperating when cooperation would have benefitted me. For withholding, when embracing would have served me better, I have hurt myself with this behavior. Because I carry resentment from my past, I punish those who did me no harm. You need forgiveness for allowing too much time to pass without being the champion of your own life. For squandering the good and the brilliance within you in favor of what was common. You are not common, what is common is not a place of power for you. And making light of your brilliance is to dismiss it.
Behind the shame, (that is usually not recognized as shame, but as disappointment and obstruction, or lack of opportunity,) lies our answer. What we desire the most is the catalyst for healing shame. Giving into what calls to us is the Soulution to our dissatisfaction and separation. Separation from our origins as masters of our own destiny. We were destined to be together, but we cannot be together as we need to be while we keep shame as our tether.
I desire liberation, you desire liberation, these things are our birthright. I was captive by my origins, you have become captive through obedience. One submission at a time over things that did not serve you. There is a time to submit, but when you are asked to deny things that keep you whole, this submission begins a spiral to captivity.
Wholeness for us both comes from liberation from shame. Its important to understand that shame has so much power because it manifests as something other than shame. So, its easy to keep looking for other solutions when in truth, healing the shame will heal and bring liberation to our life.
I am ready for this because I see how you suffer from the effects of shame; it is our time. Time to let it go. Time to partner. Time to celebrate. Time to become whole again. This is our work, it is our magick. It is independent and irrelevant to what others think or know. This work will support your heart work, what your heart wants to do, what it knows you need to be doing. And then you will be truly liberated.